


Regrets

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: FT - Gen [4]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Character Death, Death, Explanations, Family Secrets, Final Battle, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Revelations, Secret Identity, final words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-03 02:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16317404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: The final battle has been won, but the price of that victory is still to be paid. With time running out Natsu flees with Zeref, seizing the only opportunity he might get to say all that needs to be said to the man that gave him life...and brought war to his family.





	1. Chapter 1

_What had he been thinking? This was probably the stupidest thing he had done in a long time, or perhaps ever._ Natsu shook his head, still asking himself what the hell he was thinking, as he glanced down at the figure that he’d laid gently on a rough pillow made from his vest and scarf, startled to find himself staring into half-lidded black eyes as Zeref stirred weakly, and he flinched back as the older man offered him a tiny smile.

“You did it…” Zeref breathed, and Natsu flinched at the relieved tone, his hands clenching at his sides, and he couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting down to the bloody marks staining the other’s clothes. _Fatal wounds,_ he realised and not just from the relief in his brother’s face, but from the slow weakening he could feel in his own body, and he closed his eyes. _It really is true…_ _I am tied to him…his death means mine…_ He hadn’t allowed himself to fully believe that he would have to share Zeref’s fate, he hadn’t been able to…knowing that the moment he acknowledged it, he might become an obstacle to the guild’s plan to take the Black mage down, and he hadn’t been able to let that happen. But now he could no longer hide from that truth, and he could feel fear beginning to bubble up his chest as the realisation of what he was and was going to happen to him finally settled over him completely. _At least now they’ll be safe…from him and from me…_

    The guild had been in the midst of starting to celebrate their victory when he had impulsively seized the older man and fled with him, turning a deaf ear to their startled shouts and their orders to come back. He dreaded to think how much trouble he was going to be in when they caught up with him. Although, they might have to hurry, he realised as he slowly sank down beside Zeref, his legs trembling slightly and he carefully tucked them under him to try and hide it. Although from the knowing look the older mage was shooting him it was a pointless effort, but still, it made him feel a little better, and at the moment he would take what he could get.

“I won’t thank you for it…” Natsu said bluntly, unable to bring himself to look properly at his brother, even though he could feel the dark eyes watching his every move and caught the flinch that met his words, but he couldn’t take them back. “I thought that maybe I could…after all because of what you did I was able to have all this time with Igneel and Fairy Tail. Despite all the things we’ve had to face, and everything we lost, I was happy.” _Happier than I deserved to be…even if I didn’t realise it at the time…_

“But…?”

“Lots of that pain…” Natsu finally turned to look at the older man, struggling not to focus on the wounds that he had helped to inflict…even now he wasn’t sure how he felt about the man, and their relationship and he didn’t want to let sympathy to cloud his thoughts. Neither of them had time for that, and there were some things that he needed to say before it was too late. Holding the hazy gaze, he reached up and pressed a hand against his guild mark, blinking as his eyes began to sting, the thought that he might never get to see the guild hall again hitting him hard and his voice wobbled slightly as he continued. “So much of the pain that the guild suffered, and that my friends have suffered has been because of you. Because of the magic and the demons that you left behind you in your efforts to bring me back.” _Lullaby…Deliora…The Tower of Heaven…Grimoire Heart…Tartarus…Everything that they endured and lost, it all ties back to you…back to me…_ His hand tightened around his guild mark, and there was no way for him to mask the bitterness in his expression as he added softly. “There’s no way I can look back at all that and say that my life was worth all that.”

“Yes, it was…”

“No,” Natsu cut across him sharply, glaring down at Zeref as he realised that his brother meant what he was saying. _Why can’t you see the pain you caused?_ The flash of anger that accompanied that thought loosened his tongue, and he couldn’t bring himself to stop his next words, even though he knew that they were going to hurt the dying man. “I wish that you hadn’t given me back my life. I should have stayed dead back then.” _I could have spared them so much pain…._

“You were just a child,” Zeref protested vehemently, closing his eyes for a moment as he recalled the sight of Natsu lying still and silent in the ruined remains of their home, his tiny body utterly devoid of life and bearing the marks of a hard death. Even now, after all, that he had seen and done, and with the weight of his own death pressing ever closer, that sight remained the worst thing he had ever seen. _I could never have left you like that…_

“So?” Natsu demanded angrily, olive eyes blazing as he glared at Zeref. “Children die every day. People die, that’s just a part of life, and those that are left behind have to learn how to live without them. It’s not easy…but it is possible.” He had managed to move forwards when they thought Lisanna was dead…he had found a reason to keep going even after Igneel had fallen…it had hurt more than he had thought possible, and yet he had managed to survive…no, he had managed to live.

“I couldn’t…”

“Did you even try?” Natsu growled, already knowing the answer to his question, and he wasn’t surprised when the older mage glanced aside. _All your knowledge…and all your magic and yet you know nothing about life…_

“Natsu…” Zeref began hesitantly, trailing off as he was overwhelmed by a coughing fit, eyes widening as he felt the blood that trickled from the corner of his mouth as he finally got his breathing back under control, not needing the slight widening of Natsu’s eyes to know that it wasn’t a good sign. “I…”

“It doesn’t really matter anymore,” Natsu muttered, feeling an odd tightness in his chest as he stared at Zeref for a long moment, before reaching out and hesitantly brushing the fresh trail of blood away. Letting his fingers linger for a moment as he studied the older man, now able to pick out the similarities between and this time he wasn’t able to blink away the tears that formed, letting them drip down his cheeks and making no effort to clear them away. As much as he hated Zeref for what he’d done, he couldn’t help but pity him…and maybe something more…no matter what had happened, this man was family, the last family he had, and his voice was suspiciously thick as he added softly. “It’s all going to be over soon, for both of us.” _At least this time you won’t be alone…_

“Natsu,” Zeref was stunned by the expression on Natsu’s face. No matter how much he had regretted what their relationship had become…what he had needed it to become, he had always mourned the loss of the little brother that had looked at him with affection…with awe…with love. The expression was a weak echo of those feelings, those feelings broken and diluted over the years, and yet it warmed him, and he felt dampness on his own cheeks as he met Natsu’s gaze. It took all his strength to manage to lift his hand enough to brush his fingers against his brother’s cheek, his expression softening even further as the Fire mage let out a soft sob at the gentle touch, and his lips quirked up in an empty smile. “For what it’s worth…I am sorry, both for what I did back and what I’ve put you and your guild through since...but, I can’t regret it…”

    Natsu closed his eyes as the words washed over him, another sob welling up as he felt the feathery touch on his cheek disappearing, his sharp ears tracking the fading sound of breathing until it died away completely. He sat there for several minutes, his fingers still resting against Zeref’s face, tears coursing down his cheeks in a silent stream even as he scrunched his eyes tighter shut. Trying in vain to block out the reality of the situation…the pain of this latest loss…and the terrifying weakness that he could feel creeping over his own body. _I’m dying…_ Eventually, the thought wouldn’t be denied any longer and he slowly opened his eyes, his breath catching as he stared down at his brother. Zeref’s eyes were closed, and he had a peaceful expression on his face, and for a moment there was a spark of anger, but it faded just as quickly as it had appeared, leaving nothing but numb acceptance behind.

    Natsu remained where he was for a few more minutes, just staring at the older man as his strength continued to wane and when he realised that his vision was beginning to blur around the edges he sighed softly, hesitating for a moment before curling up beside his brother, letting his head come to rest against Zeref’s chest.

“It’s fine,” He whispered, his voice barely audible as he let his eyes drift shut, the world beginning to fade away completely as he added faintly. “I regret it enough for both of us…”

_I’m sorry everyone…this is the end of my adventure…_

 


	2. Chapter 2

     Gray scowled as he glanced around, searching for any clue that might tell him where Natsu had taken off to, struggling not to let himself get hung up on the amount of damage the final battle had caused. The cost of that fight was something they and Magnolia would be dealing with for a long time to come, and his expression darkened even further…this was all because of Zeref, so why on earth had Natsu decided to grab the Dark mage and run off with him? Natsu had always been one of the most outspoken against Zeref, although now that the Ice mage actually thought about it, the Dragon-slayer had been oddly quiet about the topic for the past few days, although he had always been there helping as they planned their attack. _What the hell is going on?_

“NATSU!” He shouted, wondering if the Dragon-slayer would respond even if he heard him, after all, he had to realise that they wouldn’t be happy with what they’d done. Still even Natsu wouldn’t be stupid enough to cause them unnecessary worry by not replying…or at least he hoped so, and he raised his voice again. “OI FLAMEBRAIN!” _Where the hell are you?_ He asked silently when there was no response, his eyes narrowing as he came to a halt, trying to think where he would go if he were the Dragon-slayer…the problem was if Natsu was really trying not to be found, then he had a much better knowledge of the area around Magnolia than the rest of them. “NATSU!”

_Damn it Flamebrain…what the hell are you doing?_

**

     Happy couldn’t shake the terror that had crept over him from the moment that he’d woken to find that the final battle was over and that no one had any idea where Natsu had disappeared to. The Exceed had known from the moment he’d woken in the infirmary with no recollection of falling asleep that something bad had happened. Although he’d had to waste precious minutes wrestling his thoughts into some kind of order, wishing that he hadn’t when the hazy image of the Dragon-slayer leaning over him with damp eyes and a weak smile as he whispered an apology came back to him. He had no idea how he’d managed to do it, but he knew that his partner had, had a hand in his unplanned sleep. _He left me behind…and stopped me from telling the others what was going on…_

    He knew that it was far more complicated than that. Natsu hadn’t really spoken about what they’d learned from Zeref, but he had seen the shadows in the Dragon-slayer’s eyes and noted the way that he had stayed silent when discussions turned to the Black Mage. At first, he had hoped that it was just shock and that eventually, Natsu would be willing to open up to the others. However, that hope had died when he caught the guilty expression on his partner’s face when they were going over what they knew of Zeref’s demons and powers, and it had been that moment when he had realised that Natsu was blaming himself for what Zeref -what his brother had done.

    It was why he had been planning to be the one to tell them that they needed to take the fact that killing Zeref meant killing Natsu into account…realising that there was no way that Natsu was going to do it himself.  Although he had feared how some people would react to the news, he had believed that the guild would stand by Natsu…but they had come up with a plan to stop Zeref before he could even think of telling them the truth, and his stupid, selfish…terrified partner had taken matters into his own hands. _Natsu…_

“Stupid Natsu…” He muttered under his breath, shifting his gaze back to the ground passing below him and pushing his magic to the limit as he sped up, determined to track down his partner. With those kinds of thoughts running through his mind, there was no telling what the Dragon-slayer might have done…

_We have to find him before it’s too late…_

**

    Lucy wanted to be out there searching for the Dragon-slayer as well, especially after catching the terrified expression on Happy’s face when he’d learnt that Natsu had taken off with Zeref, but she had agreed that one of them needed to stay by the guild. And while Wendy was here as well, the younger girl was completely absorbed in helping Porlyusica treat as many of the wounded as possible…a mammoth task as she doubted that there was anyone that wasn’t at least a walking wounded… _But we won…_ She hadn’t really been able to believe it when the dust had cleared and they’d realised that their desperate efforts had paid off, and she’d been swept up into the celebrations that had broken out, not paying any mind to the fact that Natsu hadn’t been joining in....a decision she now heartily regretted.

    It had been Gray who’d first spotted what Natsu was doing, his shout alerting her and the rest of the guild that something was wrong, but for the first time in all the time she’d known him, Natsu hadn’t heeded their shouts. He had spared only the briefest glance in their direction, the pain in his olive eyes silencing her cries in a way that words couldn’t have… _Natsu wasn’t supposed to look like that._ She clasped her hands together in her lap as she realised that they were trembling slightly, turning her gaze towards the entrance to the guild as though hoping to see the Fire mage walking back in. She needed to know that he was okay…yet there was a queasy, sickening feeling in her stomach that told her that something was really wrong, and she clenched her hands tighter as she tried to hold the feeling back.

_Natsu…_

**

    Erza had picked up on the change in the Dragon-slayer from the moment she had returned to the guild, and she was sure that she couldn’t have been the only one. No matter how the grave the situation was Natsu had always been the life and soul of their guild, breathing confidence and hope into everything even when everyone else had begun to flag, and yet this time he had been virtually silent, and when he had spoken it had been with grim determination. At the time she had tried to tell herself it was just a reaction to the situation and what they had all been through, knowing that they had to focus on stopping Zeref before anything else, but now she regretted not calling him on it.

   No matter how idiotic and irresponsible he could be, she knew that there had to be a good reason for his actions in taking Zeref…but she couldn’t for the life of her even begin to guess what it was, and the uncertainty left a bitter taste in her mouth…after all these years she should know him well enough to know what was bothering him and yet she was at a complete loss. Scowling she sped up, heading for the river bank where she knew he had always taken sanctuary when things were bothering him, hoping that at least that much hadn’t changed.

_Natsu…what weren’t you telling us?_

****

    He had nearly missed them if it hadn’t been for the breeze tugging on the familiar white scarf and lifting it slightly into the air he might have easily passed them by. Although when he turned towards the flash of colour, he almost wished that he had passed it by, and for a moment he stood completely frozen as he tried to make sense of what his eyes were seeing. Natsu was lying terrifyingly still, curled up around the body of the mage that they had been fighting against for so long almost as though he was hugging him. _What the hell?_ Shoving that thought aside he took a cautious step forward, hoping…praying that the Fire mage was going to sit up and reassure him that everything was okay, but the clearing remained completely still, and he felt his earlier fear blossoming into full-blown terror. _Natsu…_

“Natsu…” He whispered finally finding his voice, and the sound startled him into motion as he scrambled down the slight incline and across the clearing, terror lending him speed as he realised that there had been no response even though the Dragon-slayer could have easily heard him. “Natsu! NATSU!” His voice rose in panic as he reached them with still no sign of a reaction from the Fire mage, and he dropped down to his knees beside the pair. Sparing Zeref only a brief glance to check that he was no longer a threat, although that was enough to ignite a spark of anger in his chest as he took in how peaceful and content the man looked in death. _What right do you have to look like that?_

Pushing his anger aside he shifted his attention to Natsu, his breath catching in his throat as he took in the still, tear-stained features. _No…No…No._ Denials screamed through his mind, and his hands were shaking so badly that it took him several attempts to find what should have been the pulse point on the Dragon-slayer’s neck…his eyes widening when there was no reassuring pulse beneath his searching fingers.

“No way…” He breathed, shuddering as he realised that the skin beneath his touch was already cooling, and something shattered as he forced himself to shift his gaze back to Natsu’s face, letting his hand come to rest in front of the slightly parted lips. _Why can’t I feel him breathing?_ They had shared a tent enough times for him to know just how heated the Dragon-slayer’s breath could feel, but there was nothing, not even the faintest tickle of air against his skin. “NATSU! STOP MESSING AROUND!” He shouted, grabbing the Fire mage and pulling him away from Zeref, the sight of then curled together too much to bear as reality began to press in on him. “Please…” His voice cracked as he felt how limply Natsu’s body was resting in his arms, another shudder wracking his body as he pulled the Fire mage into a hug. “Please…” _Don’t you dare do this to us now!_

    Still, there was nothing…no warm breath…no slight movement or shifting eyelids…no shit-eating grin to say that this was a joke, and a deep chill settled over the Ice mage, his denials fading away before the force of it. Minutes passed, and the Dragon-slayer remained still and silent in his arms, and ever so slowly Gray reached up to brush his fingers across Natsu’s tear-streaked cheek.

“N-Natsu…” His voice broke, fracturing as the truth of the situation registered, a howl of grief welling up and escaping before he could even think about stopping it…not that he could even he wanted to… _How? How could this happen? Why? WHY? WHY?!!_ His arms tightened around Natsu, the howl tapering off into broken sobs that shook his entire body, and he was vaguely aware of tears rolling down his cheeks as he buried his face into the crook of Natsu’s neck.

_Natsu…why…why did this happen?_

**

    Time had lost all meaning, and he had no idea how long he had sat there clutching Natsu against himself and hoping that he was going to wake up…that he was going to find that this was all just a bad dream. Hell, he would quite happily take Zeref still being alive if it meant that Natsu would breathe…if the Dragon-slayer would come back to them, then he would fight this entire war again. _What are we supposed to do now? What are we supposed to do without you?_ He demanded silently. A spark of anger intermingling with his grief for a moment as he forced himself to sit up, but he couldn’t sustain it as he stared down at Natsu’s still face. There was none of the calm and peaceful acceptance that he had seen in Zeref’s face. Instead, the Fire mage’s expression was one of sorrow, and his heart clenched at the sight of it. _What happened to leave you with that expression?_

     His tears had long since dried, and there was a strange, numbness settling over him as he turned his attention to Zeref…looking at the man now, it was hard to believe that he had been such a threat…and yet the Ice mage had never hated the dark mage as much as he did at that moment.

“We had won…we had defeated you…so why?” He snarled, glaring at Zeref as his arms tightened around Natsu, his voice choking up as he continued.  “Why did you have to take him from us?!” He knew that he wasn’t going to get an answer from him, and that thought sent a shard of ice through his heart…he still had no idea what had brought Natsu out here, or what had happened to him, and it was a haunting thought to think that they might never know and there were fresh tears in his eyes as he turned his attention back to the Fire Mage… _Natsu, what were you hiding from us?_

     He sat like that for a few more minutes, but he knew that he…that they couldn’t stay there forever, his heart breaking at the thought of how the rest of the guild was going to react. After everything they had been through…could they really come through this? He wasn’t even sure that he could handle this, well aware that it was only the numbness that was allowing him to think clearly and he wondered how long that would last…Still, they needed to know…

   However, his movements were slow and reluctant as he slowly rose to his feet, the Dragon-slayer cradled in his arms, and his heart broke anew as Natsu’s head came to rest limply against his shoulder. It looked for all the world like he was asleep, and Gray felt fresh tears trickling down his cheek as he carefully freed one hand just enough to send up an ice flare, telling the other searchers to return to the guild…he could only do this once…With that done he readjusted his hold on Natsu, making no effort to stop his tears as he began to walk slowly in the direction of the town, not even sparing Zeref a final glance…his gaze for Natsu alone.

_I’m taking you home…_

****

    Everyone had made it back to the guild after seeing the flare, the lack of news leaving the atmosphere tense and fearful as they waited for Gray to return, all thoughts of celebration long gone by now and instead they were just praying that the Ice mage had found their missing Dragon-slayer.  

“No…” Lucy was the first one to spot the Ice mage and his precious burden as he stepped through the broken doors of the guild hall, and she took half a step towards him before collapsing to her knees, a broken wail rising in her throat. _This isn’t possible…_ She had known that something was wrong, but this…this wasn’t… _this wasn’t supposed to be how it ended. They had won…so how had this happened?_ Swallowing she could only stare at Gray as he came to a halt in front of her, taking in his grief-stricken expression and her tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she stretched a shaking hand out towards her best friend. “Natsu…”

“WENDY!” Erza screamed already moving to join them, glancing around in search of the younger Dragon-slayer. “We need…”

“I-It’s too late,” Gray cut across her, and everyone froze at the sound of his voice. He sounded broken, and they could now see the tears trickling down his cheeks as he glanced down at Natsu for a moment, and they caught the way he shuddered before slowly lifting his head to look around at them and his next words crushed whatever hope they had been clinging to. “He’s gone…they were both gone when I found them.”

“N-Natsu…” Happy’s voice trembled as he approached the Ice mage, other mages clearing a path for him, and Gray hesitated for a moment before kneeling so that he was holding Natsu at the Exceed’s level, biting back a sob as he watched the cat reach out and grip the Dragon-slayer’s tattered vest. “Natsu…” He looked completely grief-stricken as he buried his face against his partner’s side, his whole body beginning to shake as he began to sob, but what had caught Gray’s attention was the complete and utter lack of surprise in the Exceed’s eyes.

“Happy…what happened? How did this happen?” He asked, ignoring the startled gaps from around them or the way that Erza who had just reached their side had frozen, he only had eyes for Happy who had slowly pulled his face back to stare up at him. “Please…” _Please..._ the thought that they might never know what had happened to the Fire mage had been tearing him apart…even the realisation that the Exceed knew more than he had been letting on earlier didn’t bring more than a flicker of anger…all he could focus on was the thought of getting some answers. _Not that they will bring him back…_ He admitted bitterly to himself.

“I don’t want you to hate him,” Happy whispered, his paws tightening in Natsu’s clothes as he stared at his partner’s voice, feeling as though everything was shattering inside his chest. He had known…deep down he had known that this was the only outcome…but nothing had prepared him for this loss, for this pain, and he wanted nothing more than to scream his pain to the world…to make them feel what he was feeling. Yet he could feel everyone’s eyes on him, silently demanding answers, but his voice was stuck in his throat. Natsu was gone…even if they reacted badly their words couldn’t hurt him now…but he didn’t want them to hate him. _Natsu is Natsu…I don’t want anyone to forget that…I don’t want them to forget him…_

“Hate him?” Gray echoed with a frown, fingers tightening against Natsu and his voice was fierce as he added softly. “We could never hate him!” Even at the height of their rivalry, he had never once hated the Fire mage, and he couldn’t imagine there being anything in this world that would change that. Natsu was… _had been…_ the most irritating, moronic idiot at times, but he had been the heart of their makeshift family. _How could we hate him?”_

“I…”

“Happy…please,” Erza pleaded as she dropped down beside them, no sign of her usual spirit to be seen as tears coursed down her cheeks, and they heard her muffling a sob as she reached out to brush her fingers against Natsu’s cheek for a moment. “Please…we need to know.” The moment the ice flare had gone into the sky she had known that it was bad. However, her worst imaginings had not even come close to this, and no armour could hold back the pain of seeing the Fire mage lying still and silent in Gray’s arms, and she closed her eyes for a moment. The sound of sobbing slowly spreading through the guild as the reality of the situation began to set in. “Happy…”

    _Forgive me Natsu…_ Happy thought as he stared at his partner’s still face for a moment longer, before slowly releasing his hold on the Dragon-slayer. He reached up to scrub briefly at the tears streaking his cheeks before he gave it up as a lost cause, glancing at Natsu again as he tried to summon up his courage to give them the answers they were seeking.

“He…” Happy choked up almost immediately, the realisation that his partner was never going to get the chance to doing anything else stealing his words and he let out a soft sob at the thought that he was never going to have another adventure. A soft hand landed on his head, and he glanced up to see that Lucy had moved up alongside him, her face a mask of grief even as she silently encouraged him to continue, and he swallowed back another sob.  “When we went after Zeref…we found…” It was harder than he’d ever imagined forcing the words out, and he was beginning to realise that it was more than guilt and regret that had made Natsu so reluctant to tell them. “We found out why Zeref was so interested in Natsu…they… they were brothers.”

“What?”

“We killed his brother?”

     Happy listened to the hubbub that had spread around the gathered mages at that news, wishing that the worst he had to tell them, and he found himself having to focus on the floor just to be able to force the words out.

“Natsu was going to do it…” He whispered softly, paws clenching as he recalled how determined Natsu had been to continue the fight…to bring it to a conclusion even after he became aware of what the full consequences of what actions would be.  “He was going to kill Zeref, even after…”

“After what?” Erza prompted softly, realising that there must be something even worse still to come, even though she was still reeling from the last revelation. No wonder Natsu had been acting so peculiarly over the last few days… family had always meant everything to the Dragon-slayer, so the thought of not only fighting but actively seeking to destroy Zeref must’ve been tearing him apart inside. _But why didn’t he tell us?_ Although realistically she knew that it wouldn’t have changed anything…Zeref had left them no choice but to destroy him, and they all knew that not even family could stand in the way of defending the guild.

“E.N.D…”

“E.N.D? What does that demon have to do with anything?” Gray snarled, immediately bristling at the mention of the demon. He had never got the chance to face him, and while he knew that all Zeref’s magic would disappear from the world along with him, he couldn’t help but feel that he had failed in his promise to his father. However, all thoughts of his promise began to fade as he realised that Happy was staring sadly at the Dragon-slayer he was cradling in his arms, and dread swept through him, and he found himself shaking his head frantically in denial.  “No…”

“Etherious…” The Exceed whispered.

“Natsu Dragneel…” Lucy finished for him, horror colouring her face and expression as she stared at her best friend. “But…” _There was no way…no way that Natsu could be a monster like that!_ She was screaming internally, and yet her mind was already joining up clues that had never stood out before…like how he had been able to absorb Jackal’s curse power…the fact that he had been able to take on Dragon-slayers in Dragon force without entering that state himself…the constant encounters with Zeref. So many clues that stood out now that they knew what to look for. _Natsu…_

“All his magics and demons were created because he wanted to bring Natsu back to life,” Happy explained softly, fresh tears carving a path through his fur as he added quietly. “He had been killed in an attack as a child…” _Yet it still came to this…_

“Natsu…is E.N.D?” Gray asked shakily staring at Happy, silently pleading with the Exceed to take it back even as he clutched Natsu tighter against himself. “There’s no way….”

“His scar…” Happy wished that he could take it back as well, but the truth was coming out, and they needed to hear all of it, and he stretched out a shaking paw to brush against the scar marring Natsu’s jaw and lower cheek. “Zeref shot the Book of E.N.D, and it left that mark on Natsu…he didn’t want to believe it either.”

“No….”

“Erza?” Lucy frowned turning towards the red-haired mage as she caught the broken whisper, realising that Erza had paled drastically and was now staring at Natsu with an expression of dawning horror, and she shivered having never seen the older girl look like that before.

“We killed him!” Erza couldn’t soften her voice in the slightest, her words carrying to every corner of the hall and she heard the gasps and sobs that met her words, knowing that others were reaching the same conclusion and yet she couldn’t bring herself to focus on that…her gaze fixated on Natsu, guilt clawing at her as she whispered it once more.  “We killed Natsu…” They had focused on Zeref at the end after realising that alone would undo all his magic…they had set out to deliberately bring about this end…because they hadn’t known what it would cost him.

“What?” Lucy whispered…

“Natsu was brought back with Zeref’s magic…” Erza murmured, nausea welling as she pieced everything together, and she had to close her eyes as she imagined how Natsu must have felt sitting this hall listening to them coming up with a plan that was going to kill him as well as their enemy… _Natsu…why? Why didn’t you stop us?_ The cold, rational part of her mind knew that it had been their only chance…they hadn’t had any other ideas of what they could do, and they had run out of time…even if he had told them, it might have been too late, not that, that made the situation any easier to bear.  “As soon as we destroyed Zeref…we…”

“Destroyed Natsu as well…” Gray finished for her, his voice shaking wildly, the air around him dropping several temperatures as guilt, grief and fury warred for dominance and after a moment he turned on Happy with an angry snarl. “WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU WARN US?!” He knew that it wasn’t fair to blame the Exceed, knowing that it should have been Natsu that had told them…that the Dragon-slayer should have felt able to tell them something like this…and even before Happy replied he knew that the cat had probably done everything in his power to convince Natsu to tell them.

“I was going to!” Happy protested weakly, unable to stop the guilt that surged up at the Ice mage’s words, aware that he was the only one who could have spoken out…and wishing now that he had said something the moment they had come back from their failure against Zeref.  “But Natsu knocked me out…he didn’t want to stop this plan!” It hurt to admit the last bit, but he knew it was true and he let out a soft sob before burying his face against Natsu, unable to say anything more or face their expressions any longer. _Natsu is gone…none of this even matters any more…don’t let this be what you remember about him. Please…_

“But…why?” Lucy asked brokenly, sniffling as she glanced at Natsu’s face.  “Surely…surely he realised that we would have done everything we could to find another way?” _I would have moved heaven and hell to make sure he was safe…E.N.D?...even if that’s true, he was still our nakama…he was still Natsu…_ Glancing up at Gray she knew that even the Ice mage felt the same…and she knew that no matter how much he had wanted to keep his promise to his father, there was no way he would have been able to hurt Natsu… _But we did…we didn’t mean to…but we did…_

“He blamed himself…for everything that had happened,” Happy forced himself to reply, his voice muffled from where his face was buried. “All everyone in this guild and our allies have suffered because of Zeref…because of what Zeref did to save him.”

    Silence met his words, the full weight of the meaning behind them settling over the entire guild like a lead weight. It had been one thing to hear what he had hidden from them, and to realise the role that they had played in his death even if it was unintentional…However, the realisation that the Dragon-slayer had not only accepted that outcome but felt that it was deserved shattered them as they realised that yet again Natsu had been the one to protect them…to protect their guild…even though it had cost him everything in return. And even the few that had managed to remain dry-eyed up until that point had tears in their eyes, as slowly, one by one hands rose in the air around the guild, forming their guild signal as a final tribute to their Salamander.

“Idiot…” Gray whispered as he stared down at Natsu, fresh tears dampening his cheeks as he slowly raised his hand as well, the numbness shattering completely as he realised that all traces of the Fire mage’s tears had vanished and that at last, he looked somewhat at peace. “You bloody idiot…”

_You were and always will be Natsu Dragneel, a Fairy Tail mage._

 


End file.
